My appointment turned out to not be as horrifying as expected - no blood was taken, no personal areas were exposed, and no orifices were breeched. All in all, I call that a success.
They did all the standard stuff. We started off with a urine test (I'm shocked they were able to do the tests with how little I gave them - this peeing every hour thing doesn't leave much available to go in the cup), then they talked me into a flu shot, which was administered at the very end. My arm feels like it got stepped on by a hippopotamus.
Fig. 1: Hippopotamus. D'awwwww.
After that I met the nurse I'd be dealing with. She's apparently a specialist in obstetrics and handles most of the low-risk cases up until they get close to delivery. I really liked her - very straightforward, easy to talk to, good at answering questions. We had a chat about my medical history and the stuff my previous doctors did to me, and then I got to hop up on the table (without taking my clothes off!) for a brief exam. My uterus is about two weeks bigger than it's technically supposed to be, which she thinks is because of that huge kickass fibroid hanging around in there. My heart and lungs are awesome, as are Buckethead's. He was kind of a jerk about it, though - kept moving away every time she started to get a good read on his heartbeat. Still, no extra or missed beats, no funny noises, etc. All good.
So, the end result was that everything looked fine, except for a small amount of protein and sugar in the urine (too small to be concerned about, she said, but we're going to check again at the next appointment). I'm going back in two weeks for an ultrasound to make sure the fibroid is behaving itself, a glucose test, and some other random blood work. Promises were made of cute 3-D pictures of James, so hopefully they'll come through and I'll have creepy u/s photos to post.