Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Birth plans are stupid and I hate them.

Alas, they are apparently important if you want anything other than a standard chock-full-o'-drugs birth, and my nurse wants me to have some idea of this before our appointment Tuesday, so... Birth plan it is. It's a tad overwhelming, though - waaaay too many decisions. So far I've got:

  • I want to be able to walk around and move freely, so no IV (a port is okay, in case of emergencies) and no constant or internal fetal monitoring unless it's absolutely necessary. I'd like to stay wireless if possible.
  • No unnatural induction-y stuff (ie, pitocin or breaking water) unless there's danger to me or Jim. I'll progress as slow or fast as I need to.
  • I don't want to be offered any pain medication, including the epi. I know what's available, and if I want it, I'll ask for it. I'm way too weak-willed to refuse something offered to me, but I think I'll be okay if they don't try to push it on me. This, of course, goes out the window if I need a C-section - in that case, I want every drug they have available, including the doctor's private stash.
  • No episiotomy - if I'm going to tear, let me just tear. I hear it heals up a lot easier that way.
  • Shower and/or tub available would be nice, as would be not-too-bright lighting and no unnecessary people in the room.
  • No mirrors! I really don't want to see what's going on down below. I am way too squeamish. This goes double if a C-section becomes necessary - please please please don't make me watch.
  • Delayed cord-cutting sounds like a good idea, but I'm not quite sure yet, so I need to check into that. We'll probably also decline the eye drops, since I'm reasonably sure I don't have chlamydia, and the vitamin K shot, since we're not circumcising.
  • I want to hold James and try breastfeeding as soon as possible, before they whisk him off to be weighed and measured and so forth. That stuff can probably wait half an hour or so.
  • I want him to stay with me if at all possible, but if he does get taken out of the room for something, I want to make sure he's not given any pacifiers or bottles (formula, glucose, or just water). I hear that can cause breastfeeding issues, and I'd prefer to make that go as smooth as possible.

Reading back over that, I feel like a crunchy granola hippie. I don't think I'm being too unreasonable, though. This is obviously all ideal scenario stuff, and if there's real danger to me or Jim, I'll be glad to do whatever I need to and won't beat myself up over not sticking to plan.

Still, that's what I've got so far. I don't think it covers everything - if you see something I haven't addressed that I maybe should mention, I'd appreciate suggestions.


Rhianna H said...

(Excuse the massive amount of sister-in-law creeping as of late) I really like this plan. I just finished reading Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife after becoming interested in the field, so I've been baby-brained for about a fortnight.

Have you thought about asking if Noah can catch Jim? Not all midwives allow it, and with HIPAA regulations that may no longer be an option, but it seemed like a nice way to get the father involved in a birth and have it be more family-oriented, which from your other posts seems to be what you're looking for. If that's not fine, then I'm sure he'll be allowed to cut the cord at least. :)

Rose said...

They have to do the Apgar score at 1m and 10m so they probably won't let you breastfeed until after the second score. It doesn't take them long to clean everything up so you should be able to get him to latch on within the half hour you want. My stitches took forever and he was nice and clean when I got to breastfeed him, both kids did fine with that. I requested no pacifiers,but they may give one in the nursery-didn't bother either of mine because I didn't continue them. Good plan. Talk to Rhianna for more info past her comment.

TeamOSM said...

It sounds reasonable. Don't forget that you said that you won't beat yourself up! It is so easy to forget.

Just roll with the labor. Since this is your first, you have no idea what to expect...and it will be a little...not scary. Just...unpredictable.

And btw the epidural was the best thing that ever happened to me up to that point in my life. Ah-mazing. It was quickly overshadowed by my beautiful baby boy, however. But it had it's shining moment.

Tarren Young said...

Leah, as for the episiotomy, I agree! DON"T do it! I was able to have both of my kids vaginally with no episiotomy and NO tearing whatsoever! Here's what to ask for: when the head is crowing and all you want to do is push, they'll tell you to stop, and massage mineral oil around your vagina and on the inside, and the nurses and midwives will help to naturally stretch all that! They call this the ring of fire though, but it is so so so worth it! Like I said, mineral oil and having nurses/midwives massage the labia and all that stuff helps to not tear! Like I said, two kids and no stitches or tears! Everything else, you sound exactly like what was on our birthing plan for both kids, only we couldn't actually have water birth up here, our hospital isn't equipped. I would love to tell you more about my birthing experiences, but they are too long to type up at the moment! We wanted to do the cord thing that way too, only Camielle had the cord wrapped around her neck and AJ had a breathing issue--hard time transitioning from fish to land creature and they had the NICU down, but once he realized he had to breathe on his own, he was great!

heiligeglut said...

Rhianna - I wouldn't post this stuff in a public space if I didn't want creepers, so don't worry! I asked Noah about catching, and he's not particularly into the idea, but he does want to cut the cord, so we'll be adding that to the plan.

Rose - good point about the Apgar. I've got an appointment today, so I'll ask the nurse how they usually handle that.

Lisa - I'm really good at not beating myself up. :D I figure this plan is for best-case-scenario, and if I need drugs or surgery or any other lovely surprises, I'll be okay with it. As long as James and I are both okay at the end, everything else is kind of trivial.

Tarren - I'm hoping mine turns out that well and there's no tearing! I know that Charlie and Em and I all had enormous heads (and big heads run in Noah's family, too), so I'm trying not to get too freaked out about the likelihood of things getting messed up down there.